hearing me now?

for the majority of my life i have had very bad hearing...half due to family genetics i think cause most of my immediate family on my mom's side are very hard of hearing...and the other half due to the ignorance of a well known ear,nose, and throat doctor who i wont name....when i was about 9 or 10 i had about 7 or 8 ear infections in one year...one infection lasted for almost two weeks...it was this that damaged my hearing so bad....not once did he offer stronger meds or even tubes in my ears...i can remember screaming in pain...it was awful...anyway....today i am 35 and i have the hearing of an 80 or 90 yr old person...very bad....especially in my left ear....and i have told all my friends that i am hard of hearing and to please speak up....i am constantly mis-understanding them or they just roll their eyes and refuse to speak the fk up....SPEAK UP!!!! its not a hard thing to do....and never ever ask me "hey did you hear that?" answer is always no....i do have hearing aids...at the moment i can not wear them cause they dont fit properly anymore and i havent had the funds to get them fixed...donations are welcomed....so if you want to talk to me talk...just speak up slightly....and DONT ROLL YOUR EYES OR SIGH A DEEP BREATHE  when i say "huh?" or "what did you say"....also i have a remarkable ability to be able to tune people out....living with my grandmother and dad all my life you learn to do that...also i know of other people who are hard of hearing or little kids who have to wear hearing aids...they are just like you they just want to be a part of the conversation....

def feels like summer now

well yesterday at the birthday party was so much fun...brodie and ravyn had a blast...i got to play with the cutie pie a.j....he was just craving attention...bless his heart...me and joel wanted to bring him home with us...he was sooo precious...i hope his parents get over themselves a little bit and realize he wont be a baby for long and they should cherish every second with him...
ok off that subject cause i can get fired up about that...
tomorrow is memorial day...i am forever grateful to the armed forces...and to my grandfather daniel madrid sr. he fought in world war 2 and died due to injuries he received in d-day...he is buried in normandy overlooking the ocean....my goal is to one day put flowers on his grave myself...my grandmother was only like a month pregnant with my dad when he died...its so sad they never met but from the love letters he was wishing for a boy..he got his wish...my grandmother never remarried and she loved him until the day she died...she wouldnt talk about him too much cause it was just too painful..they had a whirlwind romance and married after only knowing each other a few weeks...the love letters are awsome....he loved her eyes and legs....
anyways if you have someone in the military thank them...cause they do sacrifice alot...and their families do also.

saturday fun!!!!

today i woke up in extreme pain...trying to rest and let the meds take hold which they really dont want to...we have to go to joel's neice's fifth bday party....yay!!!!!!! she is going to have one of those blow up water slides....i just hope my son enjoys himself cause he isnt fond of water in his face....nor is he a big fan of trying new things..he is such an old man about things sometimes....too careful...thanks to his pawpaw....as i sit here and try to write this he is screaming "smell my piggies" to his daddy....anyways..i hope everything goes good today and i hope to be home by fiveish so they can get in a little play time with anu...but......i also hope they play themselves out and go straight to bed when they get home...aaahhhhh that would be heaven....i just wish i For ONce felt better and felt like a little bit of a human being...maybe one day.

people will piss and moan

i have been listening and voicing my opinion in private over the student who wanted to walk in his graduation...now...this student is also my cousin but that is besides the fact...people are ready to hang the poor child because he wants to walk with his classmates...he fully understands he wont get a diploma at that time but he wants the memory....and really what is he hurting...i have heard people bitch about it..who DON'T have kids even in school anymore...personally i think the exit exam is STUPID...i mean what is the point of working your ass off for a 4.0 when one test can null and void it all...i personally do not test well...i get nervous and tend to over think things....so i know i would not do well if i had to take the exam....and regardless if the kid was "passed" because of sports...that is stupid too...we should pass kids based on merit not whether they can throw a ball...that should be secondary....but what ticks me off is people who are bitching about it and IT DOES NOT CONCERN THEM!!!! if your child is graduating this year...worry about that child...not whether someone else is or not...i mean seriously is it any of yall's concern...nope its not...and people need to chill out...its not like he committed a damn murder or other violent act...he just wanted to walk....that is it...chill out..

thursday night traditions

on thursday nights for atleast 15yrs i know more though we have gathered at my granny volf's house...she cooks for us...now the us...being my immediate family on my mom's side...aunts and uncles and all first cousins...and who ever else wants to join really....and she never ever disappoints...but the thing is....she doesnt run her air conditioner...half the reason is well she is 80 and she just doesnt get that hot anymore and the other half of it is ....her unit is a piece of crap....well after she has cooked all day long in it that house is very very warm....actually its FREAKING HOT!!!!!!!! and we try to delicately tell her "hey we are melting here" but it doesnt work....but i guess one night a week in sweltering heat never hurt anyone right....im just gonna have to turn on every fan in that house.....but i love her and she is worth it...plus her food is the BOMB DIGGITY!!!
i love you granny volf...

changes

i feel the need for change...i am not feeling great...feel heavy....so i am going to start a weight loss program of my design...i will post any progress i have ...good or bad....i just need to change things and im going to try to change me...so here goes everything i have.

a father's friend

today is a sad day.....actually its been sad for a while now...my father's best friend,who was also very special to me, died....when he first got sick they thought it was pneumonia, but the doctor's said he only had a sinus infection...that didnt sound right....so after a biopsy and numerous tests it didnt seem like we were going to find out what was wrong...but they finally pinpointed it...pulmonary fibrosis....and there is basically no treatment or cure....it sucks.....it totally wiped him out...so fast...i wont go into details cause i will start bawling if i think about it too hard...we took my son brodie to the hospital to see "mr. jesse" and brodie looked at him and then looked at me and said, "mama mr. jesse is sick"...yes baby he is....i am trying to think about all the good times...his love for joan...golf....his kids....grandkids....and even his dogs....i loved watching him and joan play around with each other it was always funny....i used to go with my dad over to their house all the time...the first time i went over there his mother was staying with them...Mrs. Annie Byrd....we called her byrd...she was soooo funny to me...he would mess with her and get her all ralled up....it was funny....she could talk out loud because her trach had been removed...but you could still understand her...he would look at her and say "mama" and click his teeth together and for whatever reason she would do it back....and if you weren't careful she would give you a good smack on the butt when you walked by....he was very good to his mama...i know she is so happy to see her jesse again...i miss him so much..he was so funny...always making people laugh....he loved to laugh....its going to be very sad today when we have to say goodbye...i sooo dont want too....but atleast i know he isnt in pain anymore..he is at rest...
bye jt.....love you.

life's goals- well one of them is to go back to nursing school...i want that more than anything...i already have all my basic's i just need to go back and finish...it sucks that the first quarter nursing classes i took dont count anymore but i can just chop them up to experience...i loved it...i truly did...and i was good at it...but i was 19 at the time and i just wasnt ready..i was having nightmares about my check off's and teachers heads turning into something demonic and stressing myself out so much i would cry on the way home from school almost everyday...and it wasnt that i was doing bad grade wise no i was make the best grades of my educational career....now of course i kick myself in the ass every freaking morning that i just didnt stick with it...i so want to finish..i so hope i can...brodie deserves it...i come from a long line of nurses and i am told all the time what a great nurse my grandmother was...i just want to make her proud and to follow in her footsteps.well i think this is all for now....

so i am sitting here trying to do something and the stupid program doesnt want to coorperate with me...dont you just hate that...its not that hard...just type that is it...but noooooooooooo word has other ideas...anyways...i think i will try again later...maybe i should have a shot of vodka before doing so...i am still having serious problems with my neck...and i have been having alot of migraines lately...i have had three this month...and that is just too many....
on to other subjects..i am in the process of reading the Fifty Shades trilogy....hawt stuff...i am on the second book...they are books that discuss a taboo subject but its a page turner that is for sure...
i do wish i could get back on my Topamax but its sooo expensive...ANYONE WANT TO BE MY FAIRY GODMOTHER/FATHER?????? it would be so awsome to be able to take the medicine that would sooo help my migraines and that would also help me loose this damn weight....i felt sooo much better when i had lost all this weight...and as soon as i stopped taking it the weight started creeping back on me...its weird even when you loose the weight you still see that big person in the mirror and in your mind...and i will admit that it sorta pissed some of my friends off...they thought i was on hard drugs which if you really know me would know that is not possible...but i did feel so much better...certainly felt lighter...
i soo wish i could get my neck fixed...that would help soo much...i know its gets worse by the week...but because some doctor mis understood what i was trying to ask him no doctor will see me...its beyond frustrating when no one will help you...thankfully my family doctor does what he can...
its so frustrating when your in pain and people think your just making it up to get attention...well i say FU if you think that about me..im not an attention seeking type person...i rather blend into the background...i always have been...i guess being an only child i just wanted to be left alone and do my own thing...still do....but i love my son and husband with all my heart and i know im not the easiest to deal with....but they deal and for that i am grateful....
Jeez i have been sorta all over the place with this entry...i will think of something clever to say at a later date...perhaps tonight....
danielle
madridalisha@hotmail.com