to mammaw

tomorrow is my grandmother's birthday...or i should say it would have been....she was born in 1913....i miss her sooo much...more than i could ever put on here....i just know she is tickled pink about brodie...i have told him everything i can about her to him...i have taught him all her sayings....i just know that she sent him to me...that particular little boy....cause when me and him talk about her its like he knows her...he tells me she is in heaven...in outer space....and that daddy's best friend jessie is with her too...i hope he is right...she died august 10th 2001 and it seems like yesterday...i can remember everything about that day...i was actually packing all my stuff ready to move to my new place at the beach....my God how that one day changed my whole life...i had to get my deposit back....un-quit my job...but i remember about that day was driving to the hospital and just knowing she was gone...and the full realization of that fact was when i got out of the car and seeing my dad...walter....and terrell...and i just zoned in on walter for some reason and he had been crying...bad....and i knew...and they told me she was gone...and i just fell....walter caught me.....a part of me died that day.....i have never cried like that in my life....ever....and i was waiting and waiting for andrea to get there.....i needed her there and i was dreading seeing brittany or katelyn....especially brittany......terrell told me to walk with him and smoke a cig...at that point i didnt care who knew i smoked...my daddy even asked if i had a cig which i did....and terrell STILL BUMMED ONE....lol...the next day we all met over at aunt judy and uncle henry's house...and i love love being around all my cousin's but it was sooo sad.....and i was just falling into blackness on the inside.....terrell asked me if i wanted to see something funny...i said sure...we were outside by ourselves smoking and he takes off his hat....omg....bradley had dared him to shave his head...and he had shaved it all off up top all the way to the back of his crown...when he stopped....he said he saw that he wasnt going to like it that way and he figured he could just wear a hat til it grew out...but i tell you what yall i laughed like i have never laughed before....omg its still one of the funniest things i have ever seen in my LIFE.....i ran inside to tell everyone (the family news spreader i am).....and my dad said what in the world are you laughing at.....cause nothing was funny about anything that he could see...i said take off terrells hate....i found walter....i told him just to take terrells hat off....omg i thought he was going to piss himself he laughed so hard...to this day im sooo thankful for that one moment of laughter....we had to go to the wake on walter's bday...can you imagine having to say goodbye on your bday....bless his heart....but i try to tell brodie all about his mam-maw and how she would have just loved and spoiled him to death....i miss you lillie.....i will miss you until the day i join you....i love you forever and always....
danielle